Before we had kids, DH and I would babysit as a ministry so the couples could go out. One lady said she’d rather we came by during the day so she could go on a date with herself. I didn’t get it at all then. I do now.
DH often brings me some coffee in bed to bring me the rest of the way awake – if M and K’s snuggling hasn’t done the trick.
Everyone has areas that need to be scaffolded before they feel comfy. I don’t mind mess or a certain level of noise, but after a while, by brain goes tilt. I do very, very much mind a disordered sense of time. I can improvise a little, but only a little. So while the most important time I take to spend on me is when I read my scripture portion, my favorite time is when I list out what I’ve got to do, especially if it’s an unusual day.
I get that time to plan right after breakfast. I carved it out in the first place by teaching the boys to do some simple chores close to automatically – tidy up their room, take out the recycling, clear the breakfast table, their bathroom chores. After breakfast, K usually plays puzzles on the floor while I check e-mail, read the ESV online, possibly start a blog post, and try not to get lost in cyberspace. This part of life needs some rethinking, but boy do I enjoy it!
Once B is out of the shower, it’s my turn to get clean while he watches K. This arrangement is about a year old, I used to get clean just before bed time, but B has become able to do a lot of help recently. It is wonderful to have a small child, and yet to close the bathroom door. Water hot – tis a noble thing.
The rest of the day rolls on until after lunch. I’ve been working with K to get her to stay in her crib during ‘nap’ time – it’s turned into quiet time for her, well, as quiet as it can be with her ‘reading’ her books (out loud, in a sing song voice) and listening to music. M is usually listening to a book on tape, and B is usually doing his math then. I curl up in my bed, sometimes with something to read, but usually I do sleep for a little while. I can only get K to stay put for about an hour, so again, the trick is to not get stuck in cyberspace, amusing as e-mails can be, they don’t help me be gracious at 4AM when K wakes up scared from the sound of the neighbors walking down the stairs to go to work.
The late afternoon is often a time when I can listen to podcasts while I make supper, the kids often get involved in a building project with Legos or (gasp!) I let them watch a video. I’m trying to invite them into the kitchen with me more to learn some cooking skills. Gadgets are the big draw for them – I need to stock up on new potato peelers and such.
I do have toys kitted throughout the house, near where I will need them. K’s play dough is on top of the fridge, it comes out when I need to focus on M’s lessons in the kitchen, but sometimes when I need to balance the checkbook too. When I make crafts, I give K the scraps and her scissors. She loves to paste things at the little desk near mine.
I don’t remember if it was B or DH, but I was complaining about the overwhelming conversations with interruptions at co-op. Those conversations can feel like a car wreck. Whoever it was I was complaining to blinked at me, and asked why I didn’t direct the conversational traffic more? I realized that I try to take all the questions, demands, requests and stories in at the same time, then get cranky at everyone for making my brain hurt. I’m trying to graciously insist on a little more linearity these days.
In that same vein, I make the kids do over their communications if they are sassy or rude, or just confusing to me. “You mean, please pass the milk Mom, not ‘why didn’t anyone get me a drink?'” The mental space that polite manors gives me is incredible. I also occasionally announce that “Mom needs an imaginary space bubble.” because everyone is piled on top of me and I can’t turn the page or see the activity ingredients.
Often in the evenings, DH will bathe the little kids, leaving me some quiet to pick up the kitchen with, or read, put my feet up, or knit. Sometimes I’ll ask if I can walk over to the library alone, or just around the block. Sometimes on Saturday mornings, DH will take all the kids with him on an errand run – hardware store, something for church, checking on some apparatus down at the lab…I can often get the house picked up, or a pattern cut out, or Sunday School lessons prepped then.
Sometimes I take the kids to a garden or place I want to see, they can run around, I can see them, but I can also see the flowers and composition. My kids are all pretty coordinated, I don’t have any tiny toddlers.
Sometimes the big thing is to say to myself – this is a time I can think, so grab some scratch paper and write a list now.
Like, right now, I need to organize groceries – bye!
