The other day, I had a chance to sip coffee with just DH while my in-laws watched the kids in the other section of the bookstore. Only; each of the kids in turn needed something or other, and by the time the coffee was done, we’d actually never been alone. I suggested that we hurry home as K was getting nappish, when one of the boys tentatively reminded me of another errand, and I agreed we should take care of that first – wait a minute, I appeared to have kids first priorities! Yikes!
Double Yikes! I’ve made big promises to this good man, he deserves high priorities. In fact, I could not homeschool without his financial, moral and personal support and approval. (I do know or know of two single mothers and one widower who homeschool, and my hat is off to them for their creativity and perseverance, but in general, if your spouse is not on board, don’t try this at home!)
So, am I as bad at couple time as I made me sound?
DH and I usually interact in short bursts, with the kids present. But there are a lot of interactions, because DH’s job is only 6 blocks from our apartment. He eats all three meals with us, and we check in all through the day. I often phone or e-mail him celebratory announcements (M read a whole Bob book by himself!). Ever since we got married, DH has told the secretaries at his labs that my phone calls always get through – although if he is in a meeting, they do mention that to me before sending through a connection, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually interrupted one. Sometimes we drop in on the lab to visit, or to walk Daddy home from work. This is one walk I can always talk the kids into even if it is hot and humid outside, it doesn’t hurt that the financial lady keeps a ton of candy on top of her file cabinet.
Most days after lunch, I invite DH to read my blog post of the day while I rub any headaches away. When he gets home from work, he often shows me cool schematics of his projects. Apparently, taking the time to pick up a rudimentary technical vocabulary was a good romantic investment on my part. When DH leaves for work, he prays for me and the kids and our efforts, then I pray for his work at the lab. I try never let him go without a kiss either! On Saturdays when we don’t have Lego meetings, sometimes we get grown up time by taking the kids to the park where we can see them, but they can’t hear us. It’s about as private as a restaurant.
When DH and I need a long talk...OK, when I need to talk, we get the kids in bed a bit early and let them read in bed or listen to books on tape, then we sit up in the living room. DH will often do the dishes for me after the kids are in bed, and I read aloud to him. Putting the kids to bed at a good time with books to read or books on tape to listen to works well for other things too, I’ve been making that a bigger priority lately.
We don’t currently have a regular babysitter, or a regular date night. But the weird thing is, I don’t totally miss it. Staying out late is fun but the kids didn’t stay out late like we did: and they still get up for breakfast at the same time. If only the babysitter was there in the morning so I could sleep in! I felt a bit shabby about the lack of Date Night, until I read this Common Room Post.
Ending on a good story: this Sunday, I was trying to learn a new to me Contemporary Christian Song at the church we visit when we are staying at my in-law’s house. I find those so hard to sing, because they only project the words, and sometimes the melody is hard to pick out of the band. I was earnestly plugging away when DH took my hand about a second before I choked up and couldn’t sing anymore. The lyrics mentioned the church triumphant; DH knew I’d cry, missing my Daddy. He knows that I can never sing the 5th verse of the Church’s One Foundation either.
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